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How to lose 105 pounds in just 2 days

Yes, you read that correctly and no, it isn’t spam. It’s the truth. I lost 105 pounds this week and let me tell you my weight loss secret:

Ship those kids back to school.

Now it took me two days because they go to 2 different schools, in two different systems. So Tuesday morning, in the blink of an eye, 55 pounds of “What’s for lunch today?” “When are we going to the pool?” “Can I have Patrick come to play?” “Why did Patrick’s parents go on vacation for two weeks?” “Why did they take Patrick?” “Why don’t we go on vacation for two weeks?” was out the door and on his way. 3rd graders, he informed me, DO NOT have their moms walk them to class on the first day. (No matter that he was going with his friend and his friend’s mom–he wasn’t going with HIS mom.) So that was the relatively painless phase of my 2 day weight loss program.

Then came Wednesday. New school. New teacher. Crappy awful temporary building. Mass confusion because of crappy, temporary building that is meant to house half the number of students they have shoehorned in. This is Matthew’s fourth school in four years–every time he gets used to the rules, boundaries and expectations, they move him. So here we are again, but this time faced with the mass confusion that comes when you move an entire school. I felt like saying to one of the other complaining parents, “Welcome to my world.” So into this melee, I drag Matthew and neither of us were amused. And while the weight fell off the day before in a barely noticeable fashion, these 50 pounds came off like ripping a large band aid off. And not quickly. So a meltdown, lots of tears, sobs and just plain old fashioned panic later, he was in the new class and I was sent packing. I’m not admitting to any of the above, at least not until I got to the car.

Then the miracle happened. The kids’ beloved Jessica, who has looked after them since Matthew was born, (really, truly, we’d adopt her if it was legal and not weird thing to do to a 20+ year old), well, she just graduated from college and is doing her student teaching. She was assigned to another school, but at the last minute was moved. So I get a text message as I get into the car, feeling like I’ve had the weight removed with a chainsaw and no anesthesia:

Been moved. To Matthew’s school. Will watch over him. Love, J

So I might have cried some more.

12 comments to “How to lose 105 pounds in just 2 days”

  1. joey
    September 7th, 2007 at 6:33 am · Link

    Lol, I have a Jessica, too. Her name is Becca. She was number Gray’s sitter when I went back to work and is an aide to Gabe four hours each day in his preschool. When we move I want to take her with me!

  2. AndreaW
    September 7th, 2007 at 7:18 am · Link

    What an amazing feeling for you, Elizabeth! Glad to hear the good news!!

  3. Christina Arbini
    September 7th, 2007 at 8:44 am · Link

    Okay, I’m not a mommy, but that still touched my heart. Hey, a “favorite auntie” can still feel just as bittersweet about her niece and nephews moving on to yet another grade each year. πŸ™‚ Especially when the oldest one just started middle school. Um, isn’t he still three? Well, maybe in my mind anyway.


  4. Elizabeth
    September 7th, 2007 at 10:23 am · Link

    Aren’t Jessicas the most wonderful people in the world?!

    And Christina, I know what you mean. Our first born newphew is learning to drive. Drive?!!! Who the heck let that baby out of training wheels, let alone behind the steering wheel of a car??

    So this morning is my first morning that isn’t full of chaos. My house is clean, life feels normal and I am going to get back to work on my book. Did you hear the sigh heard round the world? That’s me.

  5. Keira Soleore
    September 7th, 2007 at 3:11 pm · Link

    Jessica is indeed a miracle. We’re struggling here right now with quitting nannies and babysitters and have done that for many years. So for us even if we have the same school and/or babysitter for a few months, I think I’ve found paradise.

  6. Haven Rich
    September 8th, 2007 at 2:29 am · Link

    That is wonderful news Elizabeth!! I’m so glad that she is there to put your mind at ease while your son is at school. BTW, my son, Mathew (one t) just celebrated his 12th birthday yesterday hehe. He’s my baby and I’m faced with the dreaded “omgs my baby is 12” and the “Wow, my baby is 12”.

    Something else I’ve managed to not have a heart attack over…my 15 y/o daughter becoming “engaged”. Yup you read that right! The good thing is, having been that age and knowing how these things work…I’m sure she will be “engaged” at least 10 more times before I actually get a son-in-law. However, ‘IF’ the guy she’s dating do end up married…ya know after she finishes high school and college (she’s set this in stone all on her own), then he’s a great kid and I actually like him.

  7. Keira Soleore
    September 8th, 2007 at 10:33 am · Link

    Haven, you’re made of sterner stuff than I. I would’ve had a heart attack and a stroke if that happened to me.

  8. Elizabeth
    September 8th, 2007 at 3:05 pm · Link

    Oh, my son announced at 4 that he was engaged–to the neighbor girl. And when I asked her about it, she just looked at me and said, “Well, who else would I marry?” Ah, nothing like having your son be the only man left on the earth.

    So I’ll be prepared for it if it happens again before he’s out of college and out of the house. πŸ™‚ Kids! You just got to love them!

  9. Haven Rich
    September 8th, 2007 at 5:49 pm · Link

    Hmm, perhaps you could take it as her meaning that she has set her eyes no where else and it was a “blonde” question to ask lol.

    I say the above because my daughter is a blonde and will often be like: “But mom, you already KNOW the answer. Why ask the question.” The rolls her eyes and adds, “Duh!”

    Thank goodness I love her so much lol.

    And as I just sent a message to Keira, if my daughter were the type to rush off to get married *cough like I did*, then I would be having heart issues hehe.

  10. Shannon McKelden
    September 8th, 2007 at 9:16 pm · Link

    That was a great story! And what a happy ending! Made me tear up. πŸ™‚

  11. Kelly
    September 9th, 2007 at 4:51 pm · Link

    Omg! You have a blog, and I’m so happy! Squeal! I love your books, and being halfway through The Duke and those blasted love letters, I have just stopped reading….because I don’t want the story to be over. Please tell me I’m not the only person who has ever admitted doing that. Is that pitiful? I’m thinking so. I look forward to checking out the rest of your site/blog.
    Congrats on a good story! I love Thatcher. Hehe.

  12. Kelli Estes
    September 9th, 2007 at 10:19 pm · Link

    As a fellow mom, I understand the huge relief and gratitude you felt knowing someone was there who knows and loves your child almost as much as you do. Of course I’m biased toward my child, but I still find myself feeling surprised when my son’s teacher fails to see what a genuinely great person he really is. I bet Jessica made Matthew’s day, if not his whole school year.

    Thanks for sharing the moment with us.

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